Love at first site

So more adventures in dating this Sunday morning for you! Spoiler alert, I am overcome on this one and it is a sappy love story instead of the usual “wow, that sucked” story hahaha!

I met this guy on Hinge. He wrote about his kids and how they were his pride in the very first paragraph of his online profile. My kids are grown and my daughters don’t live with me but they are still an important part of my life. My son lives with me so he is a pretty big part of my picture as well!

We texted for a bit and then we video chatted. I am pretty new to the video chat way of dating but it was like a first date. I couldn’t figure out how to get my phone camera to work. Good clue to how he would handle frustration and unexpected problems! It is sad that I even notice or care about that stuff but unfortunately it is important for me to see, I have allowed people to make me feel less than and I am just not doing that anymore. He talked me through how to get it to work and it was smooth sailing from there.

Several online dates and then an in person date. I would be a big fat liar if I didn’t say I wanted to throw up for the ride to his house and probably the first half of the date! He ordered a pizza (can’t go wrong with pizza, am I right?!) and we watched a movie. Good thing it was one I had already seen because we spent the majority of the time talking. Our lives are so similar, we just clicked on so many things. Not going to lie, I could have stayed all night. TALKING, why do you have to go there?!

I read somewhere that the point of the first date wasn’t to impress the other person, you should have done that already. Nope, it is to decide if you wanted a second date. How wrong is it that I planned the second date in my mind throughout the entire first date? I am pretty sure I would not have accepted no if he didn’t want to have that second date hahaha!

So now it is several dates in and I am floored at how well it is going. There have been conflicts, I have gotten stuck at work and I have had a work crisis to deal with on a date. All fine with him. What? I am not used to having someone just roll with it and it is exhilarating and scary all at the same time.

I did not realize how much I feared another person’s reactions. I guess there is some stuff in my mind I have to work through since I am holding my breath every time something comes up I can’t control. I always just figured I was a control freak but it is so much more than that…I spent so much time trying to keep things smooth so there were no waves in my life that it just became a part of my identity. Don’t get me wrong, I work hard to make sure everything goes perfectly and that is a huge character asset. But always being on alert to put out fires is only a good thing if you are a fireman!!!!

So that is it. It is still early in the relationship but I plan on being in this for a long time to come!!

Aman-Splaining

Sitting at my happy place and reading blog posts is making me question my life. It is too early for this! Drinking my coffee at the beach is supposed to be a mindless adventure…what the hell, Amanda?!

I am “doing the work” to become a more well-rounded human. I am asking myself why whenever a thought comes into my head. Like, when you invite someone over and clean like a mad person but then say “don’t mind the mess” so they will actually look at all the cleaning you did. And for the record, I don’t do that! I may tidy up before you come over the first time but then I am all about transparency…as in, you should know that I eat dinner in the living room and don’t bring my plate and silverware to the kitchen until the next day because I only have enough silverware for a day or two and I need to wash it!

No. What I question is when I am telling someone something that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things but I feel the unbreakable pull to explain. When my son was little, he had this habit of telling me a drawn out story instead of just answering the question and I would say to him, “Just the facts, Jack” (Meet the Parents…if you haven’t seen it then we can’t be friends…) It is a disease…like ‘man-splaining’…’aman-splaining’?! Do you think guys get that they do that? I truly think I ‘aman-splain’ stuff because I am just the smartest person in the Universe so how could anyone else possibly understand without my input?

No one cares. If they want a novel they will buy one on Amazon. Or as my step Dad used to like to ask…Do you just like to hear yourself speak?! If people want more information they usually ask. And let’s be real, I am not the smartest person in the universe and people are GENERALLY smart enough to figure things out. If they are confused they will ask. Plus, it isn’t like I EVER talk about anything major!

So today, my goal is to say “just the facts, Jack” and not think I have to explain every little thing. Worse comes to worse, the cats always listen when I feel the need to hear myself talk 🤣🤣🤣

Off the rails!

Hi there! I am not writing about day 15 of my 21 days of gratitude today because I have something else to talk about. I wasn’t going to “bother you” with this, but then I remembered that I am not trying to be a peacemaker at my own expense anymore. So without further adu…

Standing up for myself and saying what I really feel is not an easy habit to get into. I have actually had times where I have said, “I’m fine” and then turned around as I am walking away to say “actually…” It isn’t that I don’t want to say how I really feel. I don’t actually know what is holding me back!

Maybe I am afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings. Even though I am putting my self first (for the first time in a long time) I still can’t seem to shake the feeling that my opinion or whatever it is will hurt the other person. Then I am not going to feel good, and isn’t that the point of putting myself first?!

And who am I to think my opinion is that important anyway? Maybe no one actually cares what I think and they are only asking because it is the right thing to do. That last part is my crazy, Frank, trying to cause trouble but he has a point! People routinely ask “how are you doing?” when they don’t actually care how I am doing. It is just a polite way to start a conversation. Maybe asking someone’s opinion is being nice because I am there but if I wasn’t it isn’t like that person would think I am going to see what Amanda thinks and call me! But my opinion does matter to some people and I am usually knowledgeable. If I don’t know I will find out and get back to them.

How I approach a situation is another piece in this puzzle. Instead of thinking about what I can say that will make the other person happy without lying of course or/and will keep the good vibes in the room going strong, I need to think about how I actually FEEL about the situation. And instead of just blurting that out, I also need to think about how the other person will react. Not that I am censoring myself anymore, but I don’t have to be a jerk about it, either!

The other part of this is being able to read people. I have always noticed how people are standing or what expressions they have on their face, mostly so I can tell if what I am saying is upsetting them or agitating them. I can change course quickly before it becomes a wave that crashes over the situation and wipes away any happiness or calm. Except now, I need to read their emotions so I can prepare to defend my opinion if they seem like they don’t agree. But still share my opinion, no matter what the body language is telling me.

It is a learning curve, for sure. I learned how to say exactly the right thing most of the time, even if it wasn’t actually how I felt. Learning how to say how I feel without alienating my friends and making people think I am some stuck up jerk will take time but it is doable!