Hiding my Fear behind a Mask

Do you “believe” in masks? I am not sure actually. What I DO believe in is not dying LOL!

I am the Shelter Manager at an animal shelter and we have been closed since the middle of March. Next week, however, we will open back up. For appointments only, but we will actually be there for the people that inevitably pop in. I have installed a hand sanitizer right inside the door and I will have a basket of masks for those people who “forget” to wear one. I am NOT convinced they work but I would rather be safe than sorry! Today I have someone coming in to relinquish cat. Although I want to be a helpful member of my community, I have a sick feeling about meeting her. Not her necessarily, just strangers in general actually! It turns out that wishing for things to start moving forward was a nice little dream but I am pretty terrified of that happening. I know that if I am supposed to catch the COVID-19 virus, God has already written that. I know that He has plans and I am on a need to know basis with them. Does the fact that I am afraid anyway mean I don’t have faith?

I guess not doing something because I am afraid and I don’t trust that it will work out; and doing it EVEN THOUGH I am afraid because I know God has got me is the definition of faith for me. I am pretty sure if God didn’t want us to feel fear he wouldn’t have put that emotion in our makeup. Except when the Disciples were afraid during the storm on the sea , Jesus kind of chastised them for being afraid.  “Why are you so afraid? Don’t you have any faith at all yet?” – Mark 4:35-40. So which is it? Can someone explain this to me?!

WWJD and Happy Birthdays

Have you ever felt like God broke his promise and how do you keep Jesus in your life every day? Also, how do you keep Christ in Christmas? These are some questions that were brought up at my IF dinner for my woman’s ministry and I honestly have to say I didn’t really know how to answer them! I am going to try and think through them out loud here, leave me a comment and tell me your answers!

I guess when I was just learning about God and his promises “for real” (I had of course heard and read about Him before but not with an open heart and mind) I thought of all the times that I felt alone and abandoned by God. He promised to always be by my side. And when I didn’t feel his presence that is because he was carrying me then…isn’t that what the Footprints in the Sand poem says?! Looking back now I think that was true–there were a lot of ways that God got me through awful stuff even if I didn’t “see Him” in the middle of it all. But I definitely felt like God broke his promise to me at that time.

How do I keep Jesus in my every day life? This one was really thought provoking for me because He is there…I know He is…but how? The obvious answer is I pray. In my car on my way to work. When I open my eyes in the morning. When someone cuts me off in traffic and my first thought is ‘where are the cops when I need them’ and I instead pray that they get where ever it is that they are going in such a hurry. But how else?

When I make big, hard decisions I ask God to help me make the right choice. I don’t always think about WWJD (remember the bracelets from the 90’s–what would Jesus Do?) when I am deciding what to do with my day. Or when I try to figure out what to have for lunch. Or what to say to a friend who is hurting. It seems insignificant but THAT is when I need Jesus in my life. Maybe not when I can’t decide between Burger King or McDonalds (hahaha) but if I use Jesus (or the WWJD idea) to steer me when I am making ALL my decisions I will be making the right choices. I will be able to recognize when I get a feeling I should do something and it doesn’t align with what I would normally do that it is probably not the right choice! I won’t have that gut instinct if I am only going to God for the big stuff.

Keeping Christ in Christmas was easier when the kids were little for sure. The ladies in my dinner last night all agreed that the ones without littles to impress about the importance of Jesus, it is really hard. One said that she just doesn’t even feel it this year. I have to agree with her.

When my kids were little, Jesus was a part. We sang Happy Birthday to the baby Jesus in the manger (the baby was placed in the manger the night before and up until the day we let Mary and Joseph wait like us!) before we opened any presents. I am ashamed to say that it didn’t really go any farther than that. We didn’t even read the Christmas story in the Bible. In my defense, though; I was a pew warmer and not really a Jesus follower so I thought I was keeping the reason for the season in the front of the kids’ minds.

Now, I put up a tree and I put up my nativity set. But not the cool one that had the empty manger so I could place the baby and the wise men there on Christmas eve. I couldn’t see the point of doing all that. Nope, I put up the one piece nativity set that I put up by Al’s bedside when he was bedridden. The one that doesn’t take up much space and has a light to represent the North star with 2 AAA batteries. After the dinner yesterday, I am going to put that one back in the Christmas decorations tote and take out the one with the empty manger. Singing happy birthday to baby Jesus in the morning is a tradition that I need to keep going, even if their are no impressionable minds to act for. Scratch that, I have an impressionable mind! And I will read the bible. If I read a chapter of Luke every day, I will finish the Book of Luke on Christmas eve. (I will have to double up to catch up this year but next year this will just be a part of Christmas) That will remind me of the reason for the season and get me out of the funk I am in this year. AND it will put Jesus in my life–win win!!!

 Matthew 5:16, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”