How many frogs do I have to kiss again?!

More adventures in dating for you. Tell me, first, why? Why am I bothering with all this? I mean, I don’t need anyone in my life. I have a want for a companion to spend my time with. I have a want for someone to talk to about cool things or not so cool things that happen on the daily. Honestly, I also want someone to tell me I am pretty! I know I am pretty but it is so nice to hear 🙂

I scheduled a date with a new guy recently. We met on a dating app and did not talk very long before he asked to meet. I did a background check on him of course (I am pretty but not stupid lol) and made plans. The thing is, after getting some information from him he told me he has cancer. And I couldn’t do it.

Please save your condemnations and criticisms. Yes, I know he was still a really fantastic guy without a criminal record (LOL). I actually REALLY hit it off with him. We did spend some time talking together but then after spending a night tossing and turning because a lot of his cancer “adventures” were exactly ones I had been through with my Beloved, I told him I couldn’t continue. The guilt I felt was unbelievable. He was so wonderful. He was funny and handsome. He was down to earth. Most importantly, he understood me (as well as he could in the short time we had spoken.) The bottom line for me was that it took me a lot of time to not wake up and feel alone and abandoned. It took me a long time not to be on the verge of tears basically every waking moment of my day. It took me a long time not to feel like my life had no meaning anymore.

I want someone to spend my time with. I want someone to be my partner in crime and my accomplice when I want to do something adventurous. What I DON’T want is someone to get lost in. I don’t want to forget how wonderful my life is without a man to tell me how to live it. And I can’t go through another cancer adventure with someone I love. Call me selfish but I am just not ready or willing to give up on the new life I have slowly built!