Okay Okay I will tell you…

A few posts ago I talked about a lie I told someone I was interested in. I said it was a big one and I wasn’t going to explain it. But–I am getting feedback that says I need to. I need to explain that I am not a horrible human who goes around lying to people. And by big…what does that mean, exactly? So I am going to put it here for you…

The lie was this–I am totally cool with casual dating. I am NOT totally cool with it. Actually, the more time I spent with him, the LESS cool I was with it! It turns out that I need someone. And not casually. Hence the guilt on my part and the pull away on his. He WAS cool with it, I respect that. It wasn’t the relationship we had started and he was not interested. I respect that as well. But I have a right to change my mind and I honestly wasn’t sure what I wanted in the beginning. But now I know I want someone to share my life with. I don’t NEED someone to share my life with, I WANT it.

He talked about how needy girlfriends can be. Yes. Another lie, I definitely agreed and sympathized. All the while, thinking about how to not appear needy when I was around him! Counting how many times I texted. Not calling him Baby, Sweetie or any cute boyfriend-type nicknames. Not saying or doing anything that made it seem like I was planning on spending time together in the future. It was EXHAUSTING. Dating shouldn’t be this hard!

I am needy. And that should be okay, because the person I decide to give my heart to should be needy as well! I am not saying “if you don’t call me I will fall apart” needy, but an “I need to hear from you to make my day okay” needy. And if you are having a day where you need me to remind you that I love you and you are enough for me, sign me up for that, too!!! Who am I kidding, as long as it isn’t all the time I am totally an “if you don’t call me I will fall apart” needy sometimes! Honestly, that would be a pretty big ego boost if my guy was like that sometimes, too. Everyone needs to feel needed!!

So no…I didn’t tell him I hadn’t seen Nancy when I had murdered her and put her body in my basement hahaha. When I really think about it, I was not necessarily lying to him when I told him that because I definitely didn’t know what I was looking for, just someone to share my blessings with. Nope. The lie came later when I DID know what I was looking for and didn’t speak up. And every time he made a comment about how he was glad he wasn’t in a relationship and I didn’t say anything. Pretty sure I was lying more to myself than him actually! That trend kept up because I really wanted to be the person who was okay with casually dating so he would stay with me. Talk about needy!!!

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