I finished the attitude for gratitude bible plan a while ago but stopped posting my reactions. I have decided to go back and continue the plan but with my reactions posted. I know that it isn’t going to help me with my dating dilemma but it will take my mind off things!
Today (and most days, actually!) I am going over in my mind about how I was SURE I would be dating like crazy when I was ready. The only reason I wasn’t was because I wasn’t ready–but when I was ready the world should watch out!
Except that is not how it works in the real world. In the real world, I am amazing and beautiful. But not unlike a really great book with an uninteresting cover, not everyone is going to remove the book from the shelf and discover the greatness within. I am not saying I have an uninteresting cover, but it isn’t for everyone! Add to that the fact that I am not “normal” when it comes to being intimate with someone and it isn’t going to happen because you spent a lot of money on dinner (!) and it is clear why I get put back on the shelf.
I am learning that many of the guys my age are looking for younger women. And the older guys are smart enough to see my greatness but I have emotional issues for not dating an older guy. I guess if I had to break it down into a simplistic theory I would say it is because I dated Al and married Al because I had planned on spending the 2nd part of my life with him instead of alone. It is stupid and ridiculous but I am scared of that happening again. I know that a younger guy can die just as likely as an older man but I have to work past it none the less!
God works in His own ways so my heart has been telling me to find myself. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself and all that cliche stuff. Except it is true. I am learning so much about myself, like that fact that I have tried so hard to keep the peace with everyone that I have never really learned how to take a stand for something I believe in. A good example is my job. I am considered an expert at work but I am so afraid of offending someone that I don’t always stand up for things I believe to be right. I made a pact with God and with myself that I would not do that anymore. The worst that could happen is I am wrong, and it isn’t a life or death situation or anything!
So…an attitude for gratitude is in order! Everything that happens is part of God’s plan and I need to be grateful. Like I said before, even when God’s plan is not comfortable or even GOOD for me I need to know that He has me and it will all work out as it is supposed to.