It has been a long time since I have written in my blog. I was thinking about different reasons for why and I promised myself that I was just going to be honest. So here it is. I have been doubting. I have been doubting whether I would find myself if I followed God and Jesus’s plan.
I have had every intention of being chaste and learning as much as I can about my future Beloved before adding the messy business of sex into it. Just to be clear, I have not taken that step! I have not even found someone who I would skip the “get to know you” part. It has been hard, though; not going to lie.
When I got divorced from my first husband, I had a few “one night stands” before I settled down. I did not have God in my heart and in my soul then and I truly believed that it was the best way to move forward from a failed marriage. Now, however, it wasn’t a fail that my husband died. And I DO have God in my heart. I know that the best thing for me to do is to meet someone who wants to know about me and not just get in my pants.
I believe that it was God’s will for Albert to be taken. I want to say, from me, but he was taken from the world. I have had a lot of time to think about it (9 months to be exact) and there are a lot of things about my relationship with Albert that were not perfect. He was very controlling and he really made all the decisions in our life. I allowed him to, though; he was still my Beloved. I also know that I won’t be in that situation again–I moved too fast and didn’t get to know Albert before we moved forward in our relationship.
I will be not make that mistake again. I will make other mistakes but that will not be one of them!