Isn’t it Ironic…don’t you think?

I am having a moral dilemma and I don’t know what to do so I am posting it here and hoping for some comments. And it isn’t ironic–that song has just been playing in my head since I started overthinking about this. Here it is!

My car is 20 years old and has 224,000 miles on it. I use it for work and I put ALOT of miles on it. I figure I have a good 6 months left before something breaks and is so costly that I won’t be able to fix it. My dilemma is this–do I get a job or do I have faith that God will figure it out as he sees fit? I have never had a moment in my life that I didn’t have a car when I needed one. God has never allowed me to be lost or abandoned me when I needed Him. So I should just have faith, right? Except that I worry that getting a job is what God wants me to do! If I save like $120 a week I will have enough when my car dies. God helps those who help themselves, right?

God and I have a complicated history. I know in my head that everything that has happened to me was God’s will. I know that each hardship or triumph has brought me closer to the best version of myself that God is leading me to be. The problem is that I feel really isolated and abandoned at times. I feel like God was out on a business call and so he missed it when bad things were happening in my life and now he knows some of it but he doesn’t know it all and doesn’t ask. He just keeps pushing forward and probably secretly wonders why I am not as gung ho as He is about my situations.

My friend told me to pray to God for guidance. She said to ask God to open doors for me if He thinks I should get an additional job and close them tight if he doesn’t. That way I am having faith that He will let me know and I won’t be overthinking my decision. I have been walking to the beach most days so I can talk to God and no one bothers me. I think I will ask Him to open the appropriate doors (or close them!) that during our conversations. I guess that is the bottom line, pray and be open to see what God is telling me. I can’t disagree or do what I want instead. I am not in control!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.–Proverbs 3:5

PS Just because I am not writing about my days of gratitude, does not mean that I am not following along in the verses. Sometimes I have time for reading but not for blogging! And sometimes (like today) I have other things I feel the need to share. 🙂

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