Today is day 9 of my grateful heart bible plan but I want to talk about something else. I will get to day 9 tomorrow, I promise! What I want to talk about is dating. More specifically, dating after being with someone for a big part of your adult life. How?
It has been 6 months since my Beloved died, and I am not ready to start sharing myself with someone else. It isn’t that I feel guilty about dating, but I promised myself I would not make any life-changing decisions for the first year and dating would definitely fall under that category! Still, after a few interactions with men who I feel like I would like to get to know better, I am curious.
It has been a long time since I dated Albert and before that I had been married. I got married at the age of 19 and divorced at 28, with six months in between that and meeting Al. I really haven’t had a ton of experience with the opposite sex. I am just learning how to be a grownup without his help, I think having 6 more months to get it down in my mind will do me good. But while I wait, I am learning a few things about myself.
Thanking God for the gifts he gave me got me thinking about how many gifts I have received from Him. I have realized that I have never really made a guy “work for me.” What I mean by that is, my ex-husband and my late husband both did not have to do much to get me to go out with them. When I met my first husband, I was young and naive so I didn’t really know how to play hard to get or whatever. And when I met Albert, I had such a low opinion of myself and was super flattered that he even wanted my phone number! This time around things are different. I have every intention of playing the field. I want to go on dates with a few guys, not meet one guy and be his everything until he moves on. I know that I am a catch! I am beautiful, smart, and capable.
But I don’t love myself as much as I should being that I am God’s masterpiece.The next six months will be devoted to remembering that I am beautifully and perfectly made; and as such I deserve to have anyone who is interested in me put in some effort. My inner critic Frank has already pointed out that I am not a young person (and maybe I don’t have time to be too picky?!) and also that there is a possibility if I play hard to get or date more than one guy at a time I will end up alone because no one will put up with that. I am not THAT special, after all. Except that I am THAT special. I think this is a turning point for me and God has brought me here before only to have me ignore him and do what I thought would be a safe alternative. No more! I have felt that Albert dying was something I needed to have happen so I could become the person God wants me to become. And I believe that He wanted me to see myself as the worthy person that I have become so I will not allow myself to get lost in a relationship with someone. I said it before, the message is received!