I had an epiphany today. I have a friend who has had a some really serious things happen to her. At first I felt bad for her because she really didn’t ask for this stuff to happen but now I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I am not heartless or anything. I realized that God puts people in my life to help put or keep me on the path He has laid out for me and this is no different. Let me explain 🙂
Since Albert died, I have been in a funk. I want to stay in bed all day long and I don’t want to work on my business. Even though in my mind I know that I am the best cat sitter and that my schooling has put me above my competition, my heart is broken and doesn’t care!
I have been going along thinking that I would really like to start living again, but also thinking that it would be good to do that…tomorrow. I don’t think anyone will blame me for taking one more day to feel sad and sorry for myself, right? But that is not right. I blame me! It is like a bad loop that is playing over and over–I don’t want to do anything, I feel bad about not wanting to do anything, which makes me not want to do anything…and so on. I am dizzy just thinking about it!
The thing about my friend is that she has passed the point of being a victim to being someone who just won’t help herself. When this stuff first happened, she reacted with anger and bitterness (completely understandable.) However, it has been long enough where she should be trying to make her situation work for her. She has some ideas that would definitely work but instead of doing them, she just keeps bringing up how horrible her situation is. After listening to her for days and trying to help her but with no success (because she doesn’t truly want the help, I think), I am tired of it.
Then it hit me–this is God spitting a spitball at me to get my attention! Okay, if it offends you that I talk about God doing something so obnoxious, perhaps this site isn’t for you. I mean, my Father would definitely do that. I can’t believe that God is some stuffy guy who doesn’t act like me! But I digress…
While taking a walk today and talking to my Dad, I realized that by going back to bed every day and waiting until tomorrow to begin to heal, I am doing the same thing as my friend. It is definitely not the same situation and there is no magic number for when I should be moving forward, please don’t misunderstand. Grief is different for everyone and maybe it hasn’t been long enough for some people; but it is time for me. Not time for me to “move on” (frankly it will never be time for that because I will never be able to just forget my Love!) but time for me to use the tools God has put in front of me to make my life work for me again. I know he is up there telling Albert that he never doubted my strength!
Job 17:9 The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.